Do You Have A Problem With Being An ADHD Perfectionist?

While ADHD is typically associated with symptoms such as impulsivity, distractibility and difficulty paying attention there is another common symptom that often goes overlooked: perfectionism.

While striving for excellence may seem like a desirable trait, it can become problematic when it reaches the extreme levels often seen in those with ADHD, a condition which also comes with symptoms such as procrastination, hyperfocus, anxiety, and stress.

Perfectionism in individuals with ADHD can manifest in a number of ways. They may struggle to start tasks or projects because they feel overwhelmed by the need to do them perfectly. Alternatively, they may spend an excessive amount of time hyperfocusing on tasks which don't necessarily require such attention to detail. This can lead to procrastination and missed deadlines, which only adds to the stress and anxiety experienced by those with ADHD.  

Perfectionism in individuals with ADHD also has a social component. People can often feel that they aren’t good enough which leads to rejection sensitivity dysphoria, social anxiety and isolation/introversion. Seen through this lens it’s clearly a harmful symptom of ADHD, and not simply a bad habit which can be considered an ADHD superpower.  

“A great work of art is never finished, only abandoned” is something ADHDers with perfectionism would struggle with getting on board with. Hyperfixation and attention to detail means that abandonment is almost impossible, because ‘good enough’ is never good enough. If you’re working on a project for school or work it might seem like it’s vital that you get the presentation perfect otherwise you’ll lose points or prestige, or the final deliverable isn’t as effective as you’d hoped.  

School often reinforces perfectionism. You won’t get the grades you deserve if you don’t put down all the details you know about something, and grades have real-life impact when it comes to choosing a course at university, or a career as a school-leaver where employers ask about your exam results. This perfectionism as a virtue instils rigidity, a sense that there is only one right way of doing things, and conformity to the rules. And that’s fine if you want a career where the object, the rules, and what’s expected of you are all clearly defined and immutable.  

But what if you don’t? What if you want a job or occupation where you can be creative, experimental, and imaginative? Perfectionism and strict adherence to the rules won’t get you far here.  

First let’s disentangle high standards from perfectionism. High standards are a great quality to have. You know what you want and you won’t accept anything less (unless there’s a very good reason). Perfectionism on the other hand is disabling and counter-productive. It prevents you from starting because you overestimate the scope of what it will take to complete a task, or it prevents you from getting the job past the post on time because you’re still tinkering around the edges when vital parts of the core are being left to deal with further down the line.  

Perfectionism, is frustrating for those around you too. If you’re a perfectionist with your family you might think you’re being helpful when you offer advice or your opinion, they however are likely to find it hurtful, insulting, or setting a standard it’s impossible for them to achieve. This causes resentment and fracture within relationships which may or may not be reconcilable.  

Perfectionism makes it difficult for you to make mistakes, since mistakes are short of perfection. Again, this stress can add further barriers to initiating a task you were already procrastinating over. So how can you overcome your perfectionism while still maintaining a high, professional standard?

Know when you’re being a perfectionist

Are you able to meet the standards you set yourself? Are you always satisfied with the work you produce and that of other people? Are you able to put a project down and say “well, that’s fine for now” and not feel the overwhelming need to pick it up again? Are you happy to have got something done in time for the deadline, or are you anxious and unhappy that there’s still more you could have done, but you ran out of time?

If that sounds like you, well done, you’re not a perfectionist! If that sounds an awful lot like an excuse for sloppiness and not like you at all you might be experiencing a form of perfectionism which can become toxic to you, your relationships, and the people around you.  

Using common, well known phrases, and trying to believe them helps.

Nobody’s perfect.

All you can do is your best

To err is human, to forgive is divine

Everybody makes mistakes, we have to learn from them and make better mistakes next time

Nobody’s liked by everyone, and if someone doesn’t like you, that’s their problem, not yours

You can’t please all of the people all of the time

You can try to see things from other people’s perspectives too. How would someone you know with high standards, but who’s more relaxed about final outcomes view the work you’ve completed see it? Has there ever been a time when they’ve been congratulated for something you felt could or should have been done better? Get that thought out of your head! They did what was asked of them and achieved plaudits. That’s what you’re aiming for.  

Talk to someone impartial about your extremely high standards. They’ll be able to reassure you that what you’ve done or are doing fills the brief and that working harder, longer, or refining details to the nth degree is only going to stress you out further without really adding anything of value.  

Try to retain a sense of perspective and look at the bigger picture. Fine details don’t matter much from a 500 yard distance, but the picture is clear. When you find yourself fixating on some aspect that’s taking far too long, ask yourself bluntly  

Does it matter?

What’s the worst that could happen if it stays like this?

If the worst comes to the worst, so what?  

Will anyone else notice if I leave it like this?

Will I even care tomorrow?

Perfectionism comes from the same place as black and white, all-or-nothing thinking. Trying to compromise can be beneficial, especially when you’re dealing with other people’s imperfections. If you don’t have to accept absolute perfection, what level of perfection are you able to accept? Is that negotiable? And if you can negotiate an acceptable standard with someone else which isn’t complete perfection, are you able to accept that standard for yourself?

Like any skill, getting rid of perfectionism is going to take a lot of practise. It’s going to be hard at first because it not only goes against your nature, it goes against what you’ve always been taught was admirable, useful, and praiseworthy. So, like breaking any bad habit, stick to it, expect to fail before you crack it, and reward yourself, even for the little wins.  

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